


sticking to the screenplay

by agentromanova



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst all around pals!, Canon Compliant, M/M, POV Second Person, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 11:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13433343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentromanova/pseuds/agentromanova
Summary: “Pepper and I are getting married.”--7,576 miles away, Steve Rogers curls his fingers into a plush blanket as his heart breaks into two.





	sticking to the screenplay

In a Wakandan bedroom seven thousand five hundred and seventy six miles away from New York, you switch the channel onto CNN and watch as journalists fill the Avengers conference room, buzzing in anticipation for an ‘important announcement’ from none other than Tony Stark himself. 

 

You don’t know why you’re watching -- you tell yourself you’re watching to keep tabs on the Accords, and figure that's a valid excuse. Inexplicably, a swell of longing fills you inside, and you allow yourself to wallow in it as you gaze at the podium with the silver “A” engraved in it, but you immediately push it down. 

 

(He’s made his choices, and so have you.) 

 

The buzzing quiets as Tony strides into the conference room, and you feel your heart jump at the sight of him. He’s clad in a blue suit with a purple tie, and has on a pair of aviators that Clint dubbed his ‘mask’ so long ago. 

 

He’s dazzling. 

 

He stands at the podium, opens his mouth, and captivates the attention of the journalists who hang onto every word like they’re sharks hungry for bait. You too are captivated, and you can’t help but marvel at the goatee on his face, the sharp edges of his jaw, and how -- despite the aviators -- he gazes at his audience with a sharp focus. 

 

Back in the days between the Chitauri invasion and Ultron, when you and the original Avengers took up residence in that tower you thought was ‘big and ugly’ in New York, you remember asking Tony how he did it. You found press conferences to be draining, and was wondering how moderating press conferences came so naturally to him. 

 

You remember him chuckling in a way you didn’t find humourous at all. 

 

_ Smoke and mirrors, Cap _ , he had replied as he flashed you a pained but brilliant smile, and you distinctly remember feeling a pang of  _ something  _ as your eyes lock.  _ All they want is a show. Just smile and wave, and make some rowdy joke and they’ll be all over you.  _

 

But you see none of those smoke and mirrors now. There’s something… different about this press conference.

 

Your suspicions are proven correct as you watch Tony takes off his aviators and calls for Pepper to come to the podium, gazing adoringly at her as she walks to him. As Pepper reaches the podium, you see him reach for her hand and you watch as they share a soft smile. 

 

(You find yourself holding your breath.) 

 

“Pepper and I are getting married.”

 

At first, there is silence. 

 

And then the room erupts into a flurry of journalists whooping and shouting out questions as Tony peers at Pepper like they’re the only two in the room. 

 

“I love you,” you see him mouth to her, and Pepper mouths it back, pulling him into a rousing kiss. 

 

And you want nothing more but to feel happy for him. He was your friend after all. You fought together, bled together, ate together, and you know how he felt --  _ feels --  _ for Pepper, and how rough it was for him when they broke up after he decided to get back into the superhero business. 

 

You want to feel happy for him. You should feel happy for him. 

 

And yet. 

 

There’s a pain in your chest that wasn’t there a minute ago. It radiates through your ribcage and your body almost feels heavy with the weight of it. For a moment, you think it’s because of dehydration; you haven’t been really taking care of yourself after all, but the pain only gets deeper as you watch Tony and Pepper on the screen.

 

Then it hits you. Fragmented memories, almost like those clips they’d play in a cinema before a movie, flash through your head, and you’re immediately swept through a roller-coaster of emotions. 

 

_ “Please tell me nobody kissed me.” _

 

_ “And how are you guys planning on doing that?” _

_ “Together.” _

 

_ “I’ll miss him though. And you’re going to miss me. There will be a lot of manful tears.” _

_ “I will miss you, Tony.”  _

_ “Yeah?” _

 

_ “You alright?” _

_ “I’m home.” _

 

_ “I thought you and Tony were still gazing into each other’s eyes.” _

 

  
And, oh. 

 

Oh, shit. 

 

You loved him. 

 

You  _ love _ him.

 

You sit on that revelation for a moment. 

 

_ I'm always late _ , you note with an edge of hysteria, and feel tears falling down your face. 

 

How could you not have noticed? 

 

All those nights when you’ve lingered in his workshop, sketching as he works on whatever Fury needed him to work on, his presence being a sort of comfort for you. Those ‘Avengers Family Dinners’ you had at the tower, where you put your hand over his and lingered as he handed you the mashed potatoes. How you would look at him and communicate a strategy without saying a single word. The way you felt when you had conversations in the dimly lit common quarters of the compound. 

 

You’ve felt something and brought your shield down onto his arc reactor, unflinchingly and unapologetically. Lied to him about the true nature of the demise of his parents to his face multiple times, and didn’t have the heart to tell him until it was too late. 

 

Left him to die in the cold of the Siberian bunker as you and Bucky walked away. 

 

He was never yours to begin with. 

 

Yet, sitting in a palace thousands of miles away from what you thought was home, you curl your fingers into a plush blanket and wonder if the serum could prevent you from dying from a broken heart. 

 

Three knocks at your door startle you out of your thoughts, and you quickly switch off the television at the sight of Pepper and Tony locked in a loving embrace, and grab your art supplies from the side of your bed, calling out a “come in” as you do so. 

 

Sam slips inside your room, clad in a pair of shorts and a running shirt embedded with the Wakandan insignia. “Hey man, the gym’s free right now, you wanna go a couple rounds?”

 

“I’m not really feeling it now, Sam. I’ll come spar later,” you promise. 

 

Sam is silent for a beat, and though your head is ducked down, you feel his gaze on you.

 

“Steve,” he asks softly, and your eyes snap up to meet his. “Are you okay?:

 

You debate telling him the truth. You debate telling him that you just found out that you’re in love with Tony, and will  _ always  _ love him despite everything.

 

You debate telling him your heart feels like it’s been ripped in two seeing Tony sweep Pepper into his arms like he’s found his home. 

 

Instead, you put on a smile you feel even Natasha wouldn’t see behind.

 

“I’m okay.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

>  _"And I'm sticking to the screenplay, gotta say I'm okay."_ \-- [Nicole Zefanya, Oceans and Engines.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HVVMoCk23A)
> 
> Shoutout to my beta and bestie Shayla (@captainamericant on AO3) for editing!
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
